the beast 2

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life is so interesting.

it is even more interesting when you have faith in the unseen and the unknown.  Perhaps it is just an act of imagination reaching into itself and seeing things that are not and never were there.  Who knows?

Having been on both faith sides, the faith side and the ‘atheism’, or materialism, side; in my opinion, the faith side is ever so much more interesting, because one projects dimensions that are then certainly perceived to exist in a sublime and unobtrusive kind of mysterious way.

Here I am, really deeply thinking about domestic and other kinds of abusive and violent treatment and behavior, wishing to eradicate the hurt altogether somehow, dreaming and fantasizing, as usual — meanwhile, my own current relationship seems to be bringing out this wounded beast who lives deep in my own nether regions, something I certainly would much rather not have to deal with, on top of everything else I’m trying to deal with at present.  But there it is!  My boyfriend’s pattern of behavior, while seeming to him innocent and harmless, is touching on very painful, very deep feelings that I imagine go all the way back to my infancy, and maybe possibly even beyond that, to the existential human condition of ‘separation from God’!

And so, a couple of days ago, when he did it again…..  the beast was aroused.  Against my own reasoning, against my own awareness that my love’s behavior doesn’t warrant this overreaction, the beast was incited, like a living flame, springing to life and devouring my more rational, reasonable self in it’s combustion.  And against my own deep desire to resist, the beast has a driving insatiable bloodlust that isn’t satisfied until acted upon.

Now, while I didn’t beat my man senseless or throttle the life right out of him, I empathize very sincerely and truly with the person caught up in the throes of negative emotion.  I imagine that any kind of abuse, any kind of violence (even at the National Level!) is Pain, which I have come to believe is a living entity.  Remember Jesus driving the Legion out of the man and into the pigs?  Didn’t they then (possessed) run right off the edge of the cliff?  Well, that’s how I’ve come to think of Pain.  It lives, moves and has it’s being right inside our entrails.

So what’s the bright side?  … if in fact there is on?  The bright side, (once again strictly in my opinion) is a ‘spiritual’ one:  unseen, unheard, even unknown — only known by faith, and that is to say, by an imaginative but deeply-held and true belief in, and communion with, a loving ever-present spirit into which we let ourselves be absorbed by acts of forgiveness.

It seems like one consequence of Pain, is to drive us in the direction of this transforming union with Spirit.  There does come a time, when, in great consuming pain, one is driven to the utterance:  “Thy will be done”;  following which, the ghost, metaphorical or actual, is given up.



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One Response to the beast 2

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